Beau Jacks in da house!

Ok. Quick update. I just found out that Beau Jacks has a blog (http://sd-1manarmy.blogspot.com/) and my buddy Sheppard is now a substitute teacher at my old HS. First, it's good to hear that things are going well for my old **** snorting friend. Zach Walz would be very proud.

Second, picturing Sheppard teaching 16 to 18 yr old hot ass girls is funny as hell. I can just picture someone asking for help, but Shep can't leave his desk because of the tent he's pitched in his pants. Poor guy.

That's all I've got for today/month.

Doc

P.S. Dating webistes are a fantastic way to meet new women. I wouldn't neccessarily go into it thinking long term relationship though. Use them strictly to get laid and that's it. GL!

I Just Feel Like a Loser...

Why do I continue to root for these freaking losers that are the Arizona Cardinals? They always let me down and I always come back. 18 season in the desert and only one winning season??? And that year they were 9-7 and all 9 wins came against teams with losing records. Monday night was a chance to show America that these Cardinals are different. That the sheriff Denny Green was in charge and that they do belong with the best teams in the league. Uggghhh! Makes me pissed just thinking about. I now live in Minneapolis and have been for 4 years. I've purchased the NFL Sunday Ticket so I don't have to miss a single snap of crappy AZ Cardinals action. After the week one win over SF, I went out and bought an authentic game jersey with the #32 on it. A couple weeks after that, I bought a Cardinals sticker to put on my car so I could represent the AZ from the MW. I was the only one saying the Cardinals would shock the world and kick Chicago's ass. The only one that believed in this team. This Sunday, I'm going to sit in front of the tube at 3 o'clock central to watch my Cards play the lowly Raiders. I told my buddy that this game is the start of what will eventually be an 11 and 5 playoff team. He laughed of course.

I HATE YOU CARDINALS!!!! BUT I LOVE YOU TOO! GO AWAY, BUT NO STAY!

Ah screw it. I'm a loser just like they are. We belong together.

Doc

P.S. Do not buy gifts for your girlfriend until she's passed the 60 day test. 60 days deserves one rose. Save the flower for a woman you really love, like your mother.

Damn the NFL schedule committee!

I'm an Arizona transplant living in Minneapolis. Why? I'm retarded. Anyway, you might guess by the title that I'm an NFL fan. Cardinals are my number 1 team while the Vikings are my adopted number 2 team. Vikings are on a bye and the Cards play tomorrow night! Fuck this bull shit! Don't they know there's people like me that don't know what do to with themselves on Sunday when their teams aren't playing.

It's too cold outside to play golf. I've already masterbated, done my laundry, worked out, and cleaned my house. Right now, I'm waiting for 6:30 to roll around so I can watch playoff baseball. Ah fuck, I'm semi-depressed. I always get depressed in October. Fall sucks, winter's coming, baseball's almost over and my AZ Cardinals suck again. Thank God for Bacardi O. My good friend is always there for me to help pass the time.

Doc

P.S. Never, ever, ever say you love her first. Make her say it. Make sure you always hold the upper hand. Basically don't be a pussy.

29 and Counting.....

So this month marks the anniversary of my birth. 29 freaking years old. Wow. It seems like yesterday that I was riding around my neighborhood on my brown banana seat bike. When I couldn't wait to get home to watch Alvin and the Chipmunks, Facts of Life, Brady Bunch and the Different Strokes. This month also marks the 25th anniversary of our beloved MTV. I remember when Devo came out with Whip it Good. That was pretty much my first experience with pseudo porn. My parents were not thrilled. Thank you MTV. It's too bad your station sucks now. They've got this show called Yo Mamma with Wilder Valderamma. It's a contest to see who can insult their mama's the best. How lame.

Anyway's my 20's are quickly evaporating and it's sort of sad. Not like I'm a girl sad and think I'm getting old with wrinkles and shit. I'm happier with getting older. With age comes more respect in my profession. My golf game is better than it's ever been. I think that's because I've grown more mature and am able to make better decisions out there. My wife and new baby daughter signify a new era for me. Middle adulthood. It's gonna be great. As long as WWIII stays away that is. That's another thread all together. Ok blabbing has begun. Peace!

Doc

P.S. Getting drunk and picking up skanks at the bar is good practice for the real thing. It builds confidence. Chicks dig guys with mad confidence. So my advice today is to go out and bang as many skanks as possible. Just remember to always wear your rain coat!

3 Man Scramble

Skipped work again on Friday to play in my club's annual kolacky days 3 man scramble tournament. I'm not sure why I played in this tournament. Every time I enter a scramble I always say that I'll never play in one again. But when you add golf and time off work, I usually end up forgetting how I hate playing scrambles. Here's what went down yesterday....

I got to the course around 9:30am for a 9:44am tee time. My buddy B and I were being paired up with a solo, so I wasn't sure what to expect. We were soon introduced to our third. A man named Kenny. Kenny was in his late 50's, had gray hair, wore jean shorts and a white shirt from Acapulco, Mexico. When he said his name was Kenny, I said oh nice to meet you Ken. I mean what older man in his 50's still goes by Kenny?? I thought right away that we were in for a long day.

Let me get back to why I hate playing in scrambles. Golf for me is a very individualistic game. It's me against the course and that's it. When you add other people to the mix "ala team play", it's not just you anymore. You have to rely on the others to carry their weight. And as you may have guessed my two guys didn't. They were spraying their balls all over the course. Short games were horrendous and the putting???, I won't even go there. My drive was used on every single whole. All 18!! We ended up 4 under gross, which makes me believe I would have shot par by myself.

Anyways, I don't know how putting in a blog helps any. I must be extremely bored. Yup. That's it. I'm gonna go and put in my Saturday honey dues now so I can tee it up tomorrow morning at 8:48am. Late, Doc

P.S. Tips for the young singles out there. Stay in the chase as long as you can or your life might end up with honey dues, dirty diapers, and only golf on Sunday to look forward to. Oh and maintain the mystery. Getting the kino is key! GL!

Golf

Followed it up with an 84, 82 yesterday. The Tour is probably going to have to wait a little while.

Oh what a sweet game it is...

www.montgomerygolfclub.com

I bought the 3 year membership here about a month ago. My buddy and I were drunk after all day golf. We ran in to the GM in the bar and he convinced us that the 3 year membership was a "no brainer". We were an extremely hard sell for sure. I did negotiate a large pizza and two beers each though. What a sucker!

Well, since that day I've played about 30 rounds of golf. I went from low 90's to mid 80's to low 80's to high 70's in just weeks. My handicap posted on the 23rd and it came in at a 9.1. I can't believe it. Last 3 rounds... 81 78 77 My bag now consists of the following: Nike SQ Tour 460 Aldila NV 65-S Shaft BB Steelhead 3 wood (need upgrade) Cleveland Halo 1i & 2i Titleist DCI 981 4-SW (need upgrade) Cleveland 60 deg wedge Odyssey putter.

I should be on tour by Christmas.